All they need is love.
December 26, 2020Parenting
Blake is my youngest and those that really know him, know he is a firecracker, he has a massive heart and love cuddles, He loves a good movie and he has a fire in him that erupts at a moments notice.
We use to clash a lot and have our moments like two bears in battle. Over the years of my own healing journey, I’ve realised that when he has been angry, I mirror that, it was familiar and easy, dropping back into my own wounded inner child blaming my 8-year-old son causing for my anger, insert VICTIM right here.
There a few layers here – when I did this I would have deep shame and that does not help, judging our child behaviour as an adult simply does not allow you to shift the behaviour in fact it creates a situation where you’re stuck.
Stepping outside yourself and observing the situation and holding space to allow for the time and space to not react or judge the feelings but to express them to yourself in a safe way will start to create change in your habits – YES anger/aggression is a habit.
Now when Blake is angry I have a chat with him calmly without mirroring his behaviour and if he is being aggressive I let him that’s not ok. He can be angry and feel that but to treat others poorly is not on. When he screams leave my room I let him that I’ll just sit here until he is ready to shift through his pain, he always comes in for a hug.
For you men out there when you kids are losing their shit instead of poking the bear and fueling the anger, slow down and ask what they need right now…….
All they need is LOVE